On my walking tour I kept trying to have some Thoreau-type transcendental experience. I kept trying to rise up above Audobon Park and become an "invisible eyeball", but I felt like in the stillness my ego shone more brightly than ever.
Because the images accumulated so slowly, and because I had so much time to think, every image took on layers and layers of meaning. I had time to organize my thoughts in a way which was either more complex or less cohesive. I internalized every image and ruminated on it deeply. I expected my internal monologue to fade at some point, but it never did.
I kind of wondered if anyone else had a similar experience.. Admittedly, Audubon Park isn't exactly the middle of nowhere, but the last thing I felt like was an invisible eyeball. The piece of transcendentalist literature with which I identified most closely on that walk was the part of Emerson where he discusses how man gives meaning to nature. I felt like without my existence, or the existence of any form of higher consciousness, nature would mean less. I can't decide if this is a selfishly anthropocentric perspective I should try to overcome or if this is the sort of enlightened egotism upon which postmodernism is based-- the idea that a universe is constructed inside one's mind. I'm rather attached to my anthropocentrism. I'm not sure I want to move past it. I wonder if that makes me a bad person.
I think the issue would be if you were anthropocentric w/o recognizing it. Such lack of awareness perhaps is what allow the ego free reign to the point of (self)destruction.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree: my eyeballs do not feel invisible in the park. While walking my dogs I'm constantly ferreting out new ideas, dismantling course issues, deconstructing peoples' behavior... all the while keeping my head on swivel to avoid any unnecessary confrontation or to side-step potential "dog hazards." Walking, particularly in Audubon Park, feels more like an obstacle course than a transcendent experience...